She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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