If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
did i walk over a car last night?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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