Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize