So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
