i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
