Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
