So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
