DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
