are you so shy because you have an std?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
