can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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