you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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