I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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