the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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