I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
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