Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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