I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
