if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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