I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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