This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
how drunk are you?
Several
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
