If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Randomize
