definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
