I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
