First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
smell my finger.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
