you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
