Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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