my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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