One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
