i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize