HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
