I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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