yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
