If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
