you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
