"it" just moved
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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