alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
