it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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