I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
