Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
