I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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