he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Life is so much better after having sex.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
