She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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