R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Randomize