We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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