Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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