Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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