He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
