I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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