found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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