I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
