sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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