yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
