Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
