Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
