Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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