with your own penis?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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