I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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