I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
