The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
