if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
