All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
