My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i barfeds in our rink
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
