3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
