i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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