"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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