you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
