I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
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