Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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